Monday, June 20, 2005

Off the air

I've become extremely overwhelmed as of late. Since I don't have a computer at home, all of my blogging is done at work. What little time I have left over at the end of the day, I've been filling with duties from my second job as a director of a local coalition against sexual assault. And grants are due soon.

Worse than not blogging, I'm not reading other blogs (I know things are bad when I've skipped PLD for the day!). And for me, blogging is so much more than writing. It's reading, and connecting. I don't like doing anything half-ass. And I feel it is unfair to the two of you who still check my blog if I'm not posting regularly.

I hope this is not adieu forever, but merely a hiatus until I get through my busy season.

So for those of you who've kept on visiting my blog, thank you.

And to all of you that I've enjoyed reading, I hope you keep it up. You're an insightful, interesting selection of people. And I've enjoyed absorbing your byte vibes.

*le sigh*

La Chat Noir

Monday, June 13, 2005

Gay for a day

M1 and I went to our first Pride Festival this weekend. It was TONS O' FUN.

Festivities kicked off with a parade of dykes on bikes, the Bear Pack, itty bitty boys in ittier bittier shorts shaking their groove thing and, of course, a healthy dose of drag queens. One of which caused M1 to utter the words "Oh honey, shave off the beard!"

M1 decided that I should be a lesbian for the day. He suggested Melissa. But if I were going to be a lesbian, I would TOTALLY want to be Ellen. One, I respect her a lot. Two, she gets to make out with Portia. HOT.

After the parade there was music, dancing and loads of information booths in the park. I spun a wheel and the booth people rigged it so I won the prize I wanted, a Divas CD. M1 walked up to the wheel saying "Come on, feather boa!" And he won mints. He was a little put out.

We wanted to bring back souvenirs for M2, so we loaded up on condoms and lube. We also found a beanie bear with SLUT emblazoned across its chest. Perfect.

Best find by far was the Bush/Cheney magnet pictured. Available for purchase at www.allposters.com (just do a search for "Bush magnet").

There were three lone protestors, so that was nice. It looked like they might be three generations of one family. One man was around 60 years old, another man around 40 and the third was a teenager. He's the one I feel sorriest for. They were pretty quiet. They just walked around holding their signs. All three quoted from the bible. One read "the real solution to gay marriage" next a drawing of two nooses.

Some people hurled insults toward them, some people quoted other Biblical references to them, most people ignored them. M1 wanted to spit on their signs. I convinced him it might not be the best move.

Instead, we walked around them. All the while I channeled my thoughts with a single prayer for them ... May you someday have love in your hearts.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Told you it was funny

-----Original Message-----
From: M2
Sent: Friday, June 10, 2005 9:32 AM
To: LCN, M1
Subject: Email


I think my work email might be working again.


-----Original Message-----
From: LCN
Sent: Friday, June 10, 2005 9:36 AM
To: M2
Cc: M1
Subject: Test


BITCH SHIT FUCK WHOREBAG

Working?

-----Original Message-----
From: M2
Sent: Friday, June 10, 2005 9:40 AM
To: LCN
Cc: M1
Subject: Re: Test


I'll know better when my eyes stop burning.

LCN wrote:
> B[EN]CH SHI[NE] FU[LLBA]CK WHO[ ]RE[ADS][ ]BAG[UETTES]
>
> Working?

-----Original Message-----
From: M1
Sent: Friday, June 10, 2005 10:00 AM
To: LCN
Cc: M2
Subject: Re: Test


DAMN SHIT MOTHERFUCKER COCK MONKEY

Yep, seems to be working fine ...

-----Original Message-----
From: M2
Sent: Friday, June 10, 2005 10:34 AM
To: M1
Cc: LCN
Subject: Re: Test


You guys really do love me!

M1 wrote:
> DAM[P] SH[Y] MOTHE[AT]E[N] [S]OCK MONKEY
>
> Yep, seems to be working fine ...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Re: Neil Armstrong

A conversation over e-mail.

M1: Crazy!

LCN: $3000?? ... wonder how much his pubes would be worth...

M2: I shake my head at this talk.

M1: I am appalled as are my coworkers.

M2: By the barber or by Neil?

M1: By LCN.

LCN: And by appalled you mean you wish you'd thought of it first...

M1: Precisely. And so did my coworkers. But, as [M1's officemate] said, Neil obviously gets the Brazilian wax, so you would have to pick all the hairs out to sell them. And who wants to do that?

Splat!

We've been having some gorgeous summer evenings lately. It's not even buggy like it usually is this time of year.

After pricey dinner at Outback, LISBF suggested I hang the hammock in the back yard. He got in first, on one side. And I sat on the other side, pushing my feet against the ground to get us swinging.

Two apartments ago, I had a huge deck to hang the hammock from. It was fabulous. We spent time out on the deck all summer. But this is the first time both of us have gotten in the hammock at my new house.

The people who lived there before me also had a hammock. They put one hook into the corner of the garage (which they removed and took with them), and the other into a maple tree. The tree has started to grow over that hook, so it's anchored in there pretty well.

I just used the hole they already drilled in the garage for my hook.

Bad idea.

As LISBF said, "as soon as I heard it start to creak, I knew we were goners."

One second, I was starting the hammock swinging. The next second, we were on the ground. LISBF landed on his back. I landed on my tailbone. Neither of us were hurt badly.

At first we laughed. Then we talked about maybe using a bolt or reinforcing the wood in the garage to get the hammock hanging again.

Then we were silent. Laying on the ground in my back yard. Enjoying a beautiful, non-buggy nearly summer night.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Glad he's not dead...

A conversation over e-mail.

--FRIDAY--

LCN: I'm thinking about working till 8pm. Would it delay our plans terribly? I'm thinking ... we might be JUST IN TIME for Cosmic Bowling!!!

M2: This is fine by me. I could even do laundry pre-bowling!

LCN: K... Then I will just plan to come over to chez M2 après work, around 8pm. Call me if plans change ...

M2: Okay! I don't know where our dear friend M1 is, though!

LCN:
I tried calling him and left a message on his work VM. Sure do hope he's not dead.

M2: I would be really bummed if he were dead.

LCN: If he IS dead, I call dibs on his ipod. You already have the shuffle. And you can have Princeton*. That seems fair.

M2: That is fair. Good call. Can I have his superhero stuff, too?

--MONDAY--

M1: Absolutely not. I want the superhero stuff burned and the ashes
mixed with mine. That way we can be together forever. Except for my Spiderman toy. It's Marvel and I don't want that sullying my afterlife. Blintzes**.

M2: Dang. I guess I'll have to make do with Princeton - I'll dress him up in superhero outfits.

LCN: I'm just glad you're not dead. But I'm also wondering if your superheroes would really burn and turn ash. Or if they might just melt. Mixing with your ashes to form a gooey ball o' M1. Hmmmmmmm...

M2: Maybe we could form the gooey Ball O' M1 into a shape, like a lion*** or something.

M1: Or a little M1 statue. Or maybe several little mice, that way Princeton and I could still play fetch.

*Princeton, M1's cat, has the sweetest temperament. And he LOVES to play fetch with those little mice. He'll bring it over in his mouth and drop it at your feet. Again and again.

**Anytime M1 or I swear in an e-mail, when M2 replies, he edits the swearing. It's something different every time. Recently, he changed one of my Bitches! to B[L]I[N]T[Z]ES!

***A reference to Wonderfalls, one of the Best.Shows.Ever. Sadly, cancelled after only 13 episodes were made. They are available on DVD for your viewing pleasure.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I've never really had a place where everybody knows my name...

M2 is ADDICTED to Starbucks' hot chocolate. But only the Starbucks at the Barnes and Nobles store. Plain old Starbucks stores don't make it right in our area. He likes a second pump of chocolate. And the baristas know it.

He'll drink it through winter and summer. Although he's slowed down in the last couple of months, for a while he was drinking three or four a week. Minimum. Consequently, often when he goes in, he doesn't even need to place his order. They've already made it and rung him up as soon as they spotted him.

I've never had a place where I was recognized. Sure, the weird waiter at the Olive Garden might remember what I ordered last time he waited on me (Gorgonzola steak pasta) but today, I experienced instant recognition.

I walked into Jimmy John's to pick up some lunch, and the girlie at the end of the counter shouted my order to the line of employees on the sandwich-making chain.

"Number five, with mayo, extra tomato, salt and vinegar chips and a diet."

That's me.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Crash: a review

The Ms and I went to see Crash last night. What an awful movie.

It was predictable. Not at all plausible. Overwrought. Contrived. And OH SO CLICHE.

But it was meaningful. Well, at least it thought it was. EVERY SINGLE SCENE seemed to scream "Look at our deep and moving message!" And what was that message? That we all think in one-dimensional stereotypes.

And what better way to illustrate the fact that we make incorrect assumptions based on appearances and skin color because we're all too bigoted to look beyond one-dimensional stereotypes than to portray EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in the movie as a thoughtless, careless, insensitive one-dimensional stereotype. (Except for the one Mexican locksmith. The one who was an honest worker. A family man worried about the safety of his five year-old daughter who was enrolled in a private Catholic school. Nice touch, but who really buys that?)

It wasn't a total loss. Crash did teach me a few things:

1. Everybody who lives in L.A. is a big ole racist.

2. The six degrees of Kevin Bacon is very much alive in L.A.

3. Cops are scum. Prussians aren't Arabs. Rich white women are selfish bitches. Mexicans don't come from El Salvador OR Puerto Rico, but they still all park their cars on the lawn. Chinese (or were they Thai? Eh? Does it really matter?) are so rich because they sell their fellow humans into bondage. And the black guy always gets shot.

That's what I got out of it, anyway. But what do I know? I'm just some dumb-ass honky.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

From La Chat Noir's Inbox




















Background: M2 lives in a ghetto area of town. M1 and I have been saying that we're going to find him some spiffy new digs when his lease is up this summer.


-----Original Message-----
From: M1
Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2005 10:48 AM
To: M2
Cc: LCN
Subject: Why M2 must move


A dead body was found yesterday not all that far from his house. It had been there for a couple of weeks. You live near a body dumping ground.