Thursday, September 29, 2005

Killing Bambi out back

Let me present further evidence that I do not work for a normal company.

I had a question for the assistant sales director, who currently shares an office with the sales director (we've outgrown our 5-year-old building and are moving in December). When I went back to their office, I was told that ASD was "out back."

So I went back in the warehouse, and looked out the open garage door where I saw ASD sitting on the forklift. He looked bored.

LCN: What are you doing?

ASD: Helping [Company President] with his aim.

Pres appears at my left, clutching arrows in his hands.

Pres: Hi, LCN!

It was then that I saw the dummy deer with the bullseye that usually lives in the warehouse. It was propped against our neighbor's (as in the house next door) fence.

Company pres jumped onto the palette on the forklift and ASD lifted him high above my head.

He sank five arrows in the dummy deer.

Must be hunting season.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Self Evaluation

I'll have my annual review on Friday. The boss has requested that I turn in my self-evaluation this afternoon. He first e-mailed me about it on Monday, and it would seem that three days is enough time to check the acceptable amount of "Very Good" boxes, one or two "Outstanding" boxes and a token "Good" box, just for good measure.

But I haven't even begun to fill it out. If only there were a "Check here if you're fabulous" box. That would make the entire process a whole lot easier.

My reviews always fill me with anxiety. Not because I think I'm a poor employee (case in point, I TOTALLY chose my job over blogging this summer) but rather because my boss has an awful tendency to drag up months-old issues around review time. And more often than not, they are things that I had NO IDEA he was unhappy about, because he didn't address them when they happened.

That'll definitely be in the supervisor review this time around.

This is the first time that I've been asked to submit my self-evaluation prior to meeting for the review. We usually just get together and compare notes. Apparently, turning it in ahead of time is due process in many working environments. So I don't know why it has me all worked up.

I worry that if I rank myself lower than he would have ranked me, it may influence his evaluation of me negatively. Consequently, I feel far less objective filling it out knowing it will be turned in ahead of time.

M1 was shocked that I tried to be objective at all. He looks at the self-evaluation as a way to sell yourself to the boss/company all over again, just like an interview.

So maybe I'll try that approach. But I'll draw the line at donning hose and heels.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

B-R-O-K-E is me

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My balance has not been this low for a while. It's pretty scary how close to $0 I can get without even balancing the checkbook (I don't). I just have a feeling when I'm getting low. Ya know, if the ATM seems to be taking a little bit longer to dispense the cash ... I must be running out.

Payday is Thursday. w00t!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Bump. Head. Wall.

I awoke from a dreamy stupor around 3am from an odd dream where I had landed the role in a big budget Hollywood movie that was being directed by my high school drama teacher ... who never liked me anyway.

I was anxious. Confused. Off-balance. And boy did I have to pee.

I was stumbling around in the dark, moving around the bed toward the door. Fumbling in the darkness for some sort of clothing that would cover me a bit more, should LISBF's son be sleeping on the couch, which he oft is.

It was much too dark to see anything, so I lumbered in the direction of the bedside table, reaching for the lamp in the pitch black when .... SMACK. I ploughed head-first into the brick wall that runs through the center of the house.

I burst into tears and starting shouting at LISBF about things being too dark, clothes being misplaced, sons being asleep and bladders needing to be emptied. He promptly flipped on the lamp and I grabbed a shirt and huffed out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

Fourteen hours later, and my head is still throbbing. Brick is a bitch.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Driving on empty

Tomorrow's tag sale has turned into a huge thing. Which is a good thing. Skinny, the Ms, Lil' Sis and I all have items to sell. (I'm trying to offload this vintage stove). Now, we just have to get everything to my house. Tonight. So the Ms and I met for lunch so M2 and I could swap cars. I drive a Corolla. He drives a minivan, its seats are in my garage.

As soon as I turned the key in the van's ignition, it occurred to me that I had forgotten to tell him that even though the empty light is on in the Kettle (my Corrolla), he NEED NOT PANIC.

M2 is prone to making gigantic deals out of nothing. And then he gets defensive about it. It's generally a frustrating situtation for all involved and it's best to just avoid it.

I should have filled up my gas tank this morning. But I didn't. So I gave M2 a call, while we were both still in the parking lot in one another's cars.

LCN: Hey. I forgot to tell you... even though the empty light is on, you're okay. You have plenty of gas left.

M2: I hadn't noticed until you said something.

LCN: I just didn't want you to freak out when you saw that the light was on.

M2: It's below the 'E'.

LCN: I know. You're okay.

M2: Okay enough to go to work? Okay enough to go to work and then home?

LCN: Yes. You are okay. You have enough gas.

M2: Okay enough to stop at Barnes and Noble for a hot chocolate on the way home?

LCN: YES. Plenty.

M2: Are you sure? Cause you know I don't like driving with the empty light on. I don't even let my empty like come on. I don't let the van get below a quarter tank.

LCN: I know. You are FINE. Probably could go another 60 miles.

M2: Okay. Thanks for telling me. Cause I would have really freaked out when I noticed it.

LCN: Yeah. I know.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

LISBF beats me (in his sleep)

LISBF is a CRAZY sleeper. He gets upset with me for fidgeting too much. But I have a much harder time putting up with his flailing limbs, sleep talking and aggravated put-out sighs every time one of the four kitties hops into bed.

He falls asleep right away. And I'm always lying in bed (fidgeting) for at least a half hour. One of my favorite things about our sleeping patterns is that I am awake to hear his nonsensical mumblings. And sometimes, I can ask him questions, and in his half-sleep state, he'll tell me all about his dreams.

Last night, I was awoken around 4am by LISBF's thrashing forearm, which he was banging on my face.

LCN: Um, sweetie. You're bopping me on the head.

LISBF: There was a bird.

LCN: A bird?

LISBF: Birds in the sky. Swarming us. You called them Puckers*. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to hit them with my magazine.

LCN: Okay. Well, that's nice. But you can stop hitting me in the face now. Go back to sleep.

LISBF: So you don't think they're in here?

LCN: Nope. No birds. It was just a dream.

LISBF: ... well, you were the one who was crying.

*I find the idea of Puckers very amusing. It's a combination of my favorite swear word and my favorite birds. I say "fuck" all the time. And I have an art print of Puffins on the wall above my bed. Go figure.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

My new love's name is Earl

So here's a little something about me that you may not know ... I watch a lot of TV.

I can't WAIT for the LOST premiere tonight. (What is IN that hatch? Which guy stranded out in the water doesn't turn up on the raft? Where did the Others (Are those the Others?) take Walt? Why haven't we seen another polar bear?) ABC, you're killing me here!

Did anyone else catch My Name Is Earl last night? FABULOUS. It was laugh-out-loud funny a number of different times. Best part of all ... no laugh track laughing along with us. All I can say is "Dibs."

As a side note ... Happy Last Day of Summer! Around here, that means a DQ run for the entire office. I ordered my favorite Blizzard concoction. Mint flavoring with brownie pieces. YUMMY! Fall never tasted so good.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Now, where were we?

It has been a long time since I have last written ... allow me to fill you in...

I have discovered a song that I cannot stand. It features a repeating chorus that talks about "My lovely lady lumps. In the back and in the front. My lovely lady lumps." And today, M1 informed me that it is by the Black Eyed Peas. Oh Fergie, I normally enjoy your rap-pop dance songs with an uptempo vibe. Alas. Not this time.

I have dropped the largest sum of money on a single purchase at one time in my life EVER. I bought new living room furniture for my cats to pee on. That's the couch in the photo (not the colors or fabric I chose, just the frame). It's called Serendipity. Nice. Should get it the middle of October.

Banana (the foster kitty) is going in for surgery on Wednesday! Yeah! After weeks of in-heat growling and N-A-S-T-Y ear oozing (LISBF has taken to calling her "Grosso") she will be getting her ear polyp removed as well as getting spayed. Hopefully her head tilt will remain intact.

Though we're still friends, M2 and I have grown apart. He doesn't talk to me anymore. We still see each other weekly. But we have to make an effort to schedule it, and it's most always with other people involved. His girlie is still very much in the picture. I have taken to referring to her as Yoko. He has moved in two doors down from M1. So they see each other all the time. M2 and I have made a regular habit of Saturday lunches at a deli in town. They have the best lemon squares ever.

I have been better about making time for my other friends. This is a good thing. Skinny is having a yard sale at my place this weekend, since my address is more recognizable and easier to find than hers. I hope to find some things to sell.

So far, life at 26 has been rather uneventful. I shall try my hardest to blog more often. I thought about taking down this blog, but decided against it. Thanks for sticking with me.