Monday, October 31, 2005

The time I called my co-worker a slut ... in front of everybody

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. The other one is Easter.

I always dress up, even to work. Luckily for me, we hardly have clients come into the office, so it's no big deal. This year, a few other people dressed up, too. The president is in cammo, with cammo tattoo things on his face. The HR director is a redneck, with a mullet, trucker hat and Miller jacket. And two hottie smallish girls, who are both very nice, are dressed up like go-go girls in hot white go-go boots and funky dresses. Boring rep is wearing her husband's car maintenance shirt and jeans. And I'm Roman nobility. It's a palla, stola and bulla that I made for Latin class in junior high. I was afraid it would no longer fit, but the thing is a tent. I accessorized with some laurels in my hair from the craft store and a snake arm band.

So we're supposed to have a costume contest this morning. And, of course, I don't approve of costume contests because losers never win. The popular kids win. So, everybody meets in the central room (the same room where we have craft day, which has been scheduled for Dec. 2) to look at those of us in costume. It was like being at a zoo. The ones in costume on one side, and everybody else at the other end of the room looking at us.

My boss is taking pictures of all the costumed people so that he can send around an e-mail voting system. Much preferable to the president's system. Where he said, "Okay everybody in favor of LCN, say aye." And no one said anything. And then someone said, we should do it over e-mail. Great idea!

SO ... the group is breaking up and people are starting to leave. And high school girl (which is actually how I refer to her in real life. Because when we were on the product development committee, she started every sentence with "I know I didn't go to college, but...") says to my boss, "I'll have to e-mail you my costume from Friday night so people can vote on that!"

LCN: Nuh-uh. You didn't wear it into work, it doesn't count.

HSG (Squealing that annoying popular girl squeak): I can't wear it into WORK! The shorts were up to here! (She points to her ass crack.)

LCN: Um, no just because you're a slut whose costume is to trashy to wear into work doesn't give you special consideration.

I can probably look forward to a talking to sometime in the day.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I may as well be dead

I realize that I am posting so infrequently that I may as well be dead. There are so many changes, all positive, occurring with my little family-owned company .... well, I just have a lot more work to do than I did at this time last year. And that leaves for a lot less time slacking off. Here are the highlights:

THING ONE: I was rear-ended last week. One week after chickeepoo co-worker backed up into me in the parking lot. That makes the eighth time this car has been hit in the four years I've owned it. Only once was I at fault. Three times it was parked and I wasn't even in it. Twice, I was at a complete stop. WTF?

THING TWO: LISBF's 16-year-old son was involved in a head-on collision where an old woman jumped the median and crossed into his lane. She didn't die, but was covered in blood. Both cars were totaled. Scary.

THING THREE: Lil' Sis had some car trouble of her own. A 16-year-old drunk kid stole a car and lead police on a chase through town that ended when he turned a corner and smacked into her car. Yikes. Karma ... I got the message! Now lay off!

THING FOUR: My campaign to not turn on the heat until November has been successful thus far. We're keeping warm with space heaters, blankets and kittens ... but LISBF is looking forward to Tuesday ...

THING FIVE: M2 and I have a deli place where we go to lunch every Saturday. It's a small joint, so sometimes they are closed due to high demands in catering. Or last weekend, they were closed for volleyball sectionals. Anyway, they have a billion sandwiches all named silly things (Avocado Deal For You, Turkey in the Straw, A Legitimate Beef) well ... one is named the Mooscow (I think it has Russian dressing). Which is not quite Moocow. But very close.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Oh, that Karma

One of the things I love about Earl, is how he refers to "Karma," as if she's a person. I actually roomed with a Karma in college. She was bitch. And so is karma.

Today has been a strange, strange day. The most recent of the strange occurrences was when a perfectly sweet and nice co-worker that I don't interact with all that much, came into my office this afternoon.

And burst into tears.

Between gasps, she told me that she had ran into my car in the parking lot. She felt terrible. She was so sorry.

And I said, it's okay. I've done that too.

At my last job, I backed into a friend's car in the parking lot. And I remember the sinking feeling of dread as I approached his office. Unfortunately, he shared an office with two other men, so they all saw me weeping as I mimed "backed. into. car." Thankfully, the friend moved to Washington DC earlier this fall, so I no longer have to be introduced as "LCN, the friend that backed into my car."

I plan to get an estimate in the morning. The damage is to the driver side rear door, back panel and bumper, so it will likely be more than they're wanting to pay out of pocket. The body shop guy will be glad to see me, it's been so long since my car's needed some work done.

Really, she couldn't have hit it in a better place. The driver side rear door is the door with a 3-inch ding/scrape that mysteriously appeared one night in M1's parking lot. It was an eyesore on my otherwise beautiful car. Now, I can get it fixed.

I just hope she doesn't stress about it too much. Her husband will likely be more upset with her than I am. Cause I know what she feels like. And I'll know better than to hold it over her for the next several years.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

And then there were three...

Last week I made the tough decision that I could not keep Banana, the cat I'd been fostering. (That's right, ACW, another post about my cats.)

I'd been wishy washy about whether or not to keep her since the beginning. She is V. sweet and oh so cute and cuddley ... she just didn't interact well with my two older cats, Cairo (4) and Quirk (3). But I thought there was hope because Banana and the kitten, Luna, got along okay.

Then, Thursday night, as LISBF and I lay down in bed. I thought my pillow felt suspiciously damp.

LCN, lying there with face on damp pillow: Um, I think my pillow might be damp.

LISBF: Damp? Like with cat piss?

LCN: Yeah. I think maybe so. Will you smell it for me?

LISBF: Put it in front of my face.

This would be one of those times where my deficient olfactory senses come in handy. I was laying my head on a pillow soaked with cat piss, and I couldn't smell it. Once I got up and turned on the light, it was obviously wet and extremely disgusting.

I don't think it was Banana, I suspect it was Cairo or Quirkie. They had had enough and wanted to make sure I got the message. Banana had to go.

So even though I'd only had Banana for two months, I balled like a baby when I brought her down to the Humane Society. I'd spared her life. I'd nursed her to health. I'd gotten her through surgery, cleaned her goopy ear out twice daily, listened to her whining in heat for weeks, taken her to weekly doctor's appointments ... and now it felt like abandonment.

Fortunately, M1's co-worker who intervened and helped us save Banana in the first place, took her in as a foster so she'd stay in the program.

I learned yesterday that said Banana didn't even last the weekend at her house. She terrorized the other animals, and they also showed their anger with urine.

So now she's in another foster home where she's the only cat around. And Cairo and Quirkie are noticeably less stressed.

As LISBF said, now all I have to do is get rid of the little gray one, and everything will be back to normal.